I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
