remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
