we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
