it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
