A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
pray to the hookup gods
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
