Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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