I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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