I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
