who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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