Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
