K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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