We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
