Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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