dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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