I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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