im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
