That's when you crack a 10am beer
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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