im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
This house was built for laser tag.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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