KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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