After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
