Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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