If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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