it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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