just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
