Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
