it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
