I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
