He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
