So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
