One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
