matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We have started to decorate penises.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
