I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
