You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
