dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
