I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
