the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
