apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
