Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Randomize
