Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
