I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
