im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
