Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
there is puke in my bra ... again
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