I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
