woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
