It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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