Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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