Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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