It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
