i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
