so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
