Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
